“I don’t mean to interrupt people I just randomly remember things and get really excited!”

“When one door closes and another door opens, you’re probably in prison.”

“If you are sitting in public and a stranger sits in the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say this, “Did you bring the money?”

“To me drink responsibly means don’t spill it.”

“I don’t remember much from last night, but the fact I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning means it was awesome.”

“That moment you walk into a spider web and suddenly turn into a karate master.”

“When I ask for directions please don’t use words like ‘East'”

“My luck is like the bald guy who wins a comb.”

“Sometimes someone will come into you life out of nowhere, makes your heart race and changes your life forever. We call these people cops.