When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. (Matthew 9:36)

“I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26)

He will wipe away every year from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. (Revelation 21:4)

Today’s Sunday Refelction is a little bit different than my usual Gospel reading. Today I dedicate this reflection to a dear friend of mine who lost her sister earlier this week. It’s also dedicated to all those out there who are at this moment grieving for a lost loved one.

As a friend to someone who is grieving, I’ll be honest I feel nearly helpless, there really are no words that can convey how your own heart breaks for this person because even though we ourselves may have gone through something similar it’s still never the same for each person. We all grieve differently.

Jesus of course is the only one who truly knows how to show the right compassion for each individual. This is why I used the three different scripture verses to show His grace filled compassion for those who are suffering. He offers His shoulders for us to cry on and His promise of eternal life if we just believe.

If you notice, Jesus doesn’t say much nor does He try to make the person feel better by saying a bunch of meaningless, blah, blah, blah bantor. Because, the last thing a grieving person wants to hear is a bunch of meaningless words of “encouragement”. They don’t want to hear things like “Oh, things will get better, just hang in there.” Or “I really understand how you’re feeling.” Well, to be honest, no you don’t, none of us truly understand what that person is feeling. They also don’t want to hear “The pain will go away in time.” Or “Time heals all.” As well meaning as that is, it’s just not true. Anyone who has lost a loved one knows that’s not true. I’ve lost many, many loved ones in my lifetime and most recently in 2014 and 2018 I lost my dad and my dear aunt who became like a mother to me after her sister my mom died and no matter what anyone says, the pain is still there whenever I think of any of them. I think it’s just that over the years we learn how to live with that pain better. But each person who has touched our lives deeply, leave a void when they are called back home to the Father.

I believe that the best thing that we can do for those who are currently going through the grieving process is to let our hearts break along with theirs and don’t try to take the place of Christ. He is the only one that has the power to heal the hurting soul. This is why He’s called the “Great Comforter” for He is the only one who truly sees what is in the hearts of all, especially those who are suffering under the weight of loss.

As a friend, the best thing that we can do is just let the one who is suffering know that we are there when and if they need us. It’s best to not compare our own suffering to theirs, it’s best not to try to push them to get over it, even though you may have good intentions, we must remember that everyone grieves at their own pace. It’s important to remember that Jesus is there to absorb their tears and to wrap them in His grace. Not us. Sometimes the best thing we can do is remain silent, listen, and yes, cry with them because there is no shame in sharing their grief with them.

In a book that was given to me when my dad died I found something in it that I think says it all about how to be a good friend during times like my friend is going through:

“I was sitting, torn by grief. Someone came and talked to me of God’s dealings, of why it happened, of why my loved one had died, of hope beyond the grace. He talked constantly. He said things I knew were true. I was unmoved, except to wish he’d go away.”

“He finally did.”

“Another came and sat beside me.”

“He didn’t talk. He didn’t ask me leading questions. He just sat beside me for an hour and more, listening when I said something, answered briefly, prayed simply, left.”

“I was moved. I was comforted. I hated to see him go.”

So, I say to my friend….I love you, my sister in Christ, my heart breaks with yours. Take care and know that I am here if only to sit with you in silence under the watchful and loving eyes of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and He will capture the tears that may fall.

This song is for you my dear friend: